If you’re in a dry season of your marriage, you’ve more than likely thought about any number of the following:
Archives For Marriage
The New York Post had a nude photo of Donald Trump’s wife Melania on its cover this week, with the title “Ogle Office.” The photo was taken around 20 years ago, when Melania was 25 years old, in the thick of her modeling career and before she met Donald. It was from a now defunct French men’s magazine, according to CNN.com.
Ironically timed, there’s an article in today’s USA Today with Donald and son Eric’s thoughts on how (Donald’s daughter / Eric’s sister) 34-year-old Ivanka Trump would handle being sexually harassed. Ivanka is a business woman and former model. This was a response to a previous USA Today article where Donald says he thinks Ivanka should find a new job if she was being harassed in her workplace. The articles, written by Mary Bowerman and Kirsten Powers respectively, both denounce Donald for insinuating it’s a woman’s fault if she’s sexually harassed. Powers’ article sums up the feeling well in her last sentence:
All together now: Women don’t cause sexual harassment, harassers do.
Before I get in to my thoughts, let me say that I agree with Powers’ sentiment here. As a pastor, I would re-frame it to say that a person (in this case the harasser) is responsible and accountable for their own sin. No excuses. Period. Continue Reading…
Trending on Facebook this week is the #GiveElsaAGirlfriend hashtag, a campaign lobbying to give Disney’s Frozen star a female love interest in the upcoming sequel. Idina Menzel, the actress who plays Elsa’s voice, made headlines when asked in an Entertainment Weekly interview about the campaign,
“I think it’s great,” she told ET on Sunday of the online campaign. “Disney’s just gotta contend with that. I’ll let them figure that out.”
While the quote was taken a little out of context (click to view the actual video below, you’ll be directed to Entertainment Tonight’s website), it was an answer expected of any Hollywood star with a live camera shoved in front of their face, and it certainly gave #GiveElsaAGirlfriend all the fuel needed to push their campaign more and more into the public spotlight.
I have 2-year-old and 4-year-old daughters, both who love the Frozen movie (and yes, I have every word of every song memorized). Almost every young girl in America loves the Frozen movie, and almost every girl’s favorite character is Elsa.
Here’s what I find so interesting about Elsa and the new #GiveElsaAGirlfriend campaign. Elsa is single; she has no love interest in Frozen, yet she is still beloved by little girls everywhere. A lack of a love interest didn’t slow Elsa down, nor did it slow down Frozen‘s huge box office rake. The campaign to give Elsa a love interest at all speaks so loudly most don’t hear it because we’re already deaf.
What is so wrong with being single?
If someone isn’t interested in the opposite sex, why must it be campaigned by their friends and their society that they must find a same sex love interest in order to be whole and happy? Continue Reading…
Yes I said it: sarcasm, for the most part, is not a good thing. It builds environments of pride (even arrogance) and is a killer of vulnerability and transparency. It also kills encouragement. Check out this short post I did: 4 Indications that your Sarcasm Needs to be Checked.
2. Quit porn
This one should be a no-brainer, but as many know, it’s much easier said than done. Get Covenant Eyes on your phones, tablets, and computers. Check out what is by far the most clicked article on my blog: Reasons to Stop Looking at Pornography…and how to do it.
3. Spend 30 minutes a day with Jesus
I hate giving “guarantees” when it comes to people’s walk with God, but if there’s anything I can give that’s as close to a guarantee as possible, it would be this. Spend 30 intentional minutes a day with Jesus and it will transform your life. I’ve been doing this since July and it has been the single-most spiritual transformative thing I have ever done. Imagine you have 48 units of anything. 48 eggs. 48 Snicker bars. 48 dollars. Can you give Jesus one? You give enough to Netflix and the news and to football, yes you can give one of these daily 30 minute portions to spending intentional time with Jesus. This is not 30 minutes of Bible reading–the problem with that is it’s all cognitive, just grinding away the mental gears. Plus that sort of mindset is typically quite legalistic as well…I should do this, I ought to do this–No. It’s also not Santa Clause style prayer requests…Jesus, give me this, Jesus give me that. No, what this is is relational. It is spending time in God’s presence. It is taking the spiritual truths of Scripture (God is holy, you are not, but God is merciful to you!) and laying them before God–asking him if they are really true–asking him to make them second nature to you–asking him to break you with his holiness (and your depravity) and then to rebuild you in his mercy and your new identity in Christ. It is engaging God with your heart, not simply with your mind. There is a lot to this but if you want to go in this journey, I highly recommend the book Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton. Last point, you will not do this if you aren’t in covenant with other people doing this. Being in covenant is much more than accountability. Accountability won’t work, you need something on the line for the many days you will not feel like doing this. Try this: find at least one other person who wants to go on this 30-minutes-a-day journey with Jesus as well and commit to checking in with each other every 7 days. Make it your goal to do this 5 days out of a week at minimum. Make a covenant with this other person(s) that whoever doesn’t reach their 5 day per week goal has to pay $100 to the other person(s). This will motivate you on the days you are getting lazy! Try this arrangement in covenant for 60 days and by then, you should have a firmly established rhythm in place. Ground rules: You must be alone (not reading in bed next to your spouse, not having your kids playing in the room while you read). This is solitude time with God. Often this means you need to get up earlier than anyone else in your house. Light a candle. This brings focus and intentionality to your time. Allow the candle to be a symbol of God’s tangible presence, like you are spending time with a friend–which you are!
4. Fix your marriage by fixing your perspective
Make it your resolution to stop trying to fix your spouse. Instead, repent of your entitlement and allow God to completely transform your perspective. Do you truly believe God is holy and that you aren’t? Do you truly believe you deserve to be separated from God for eternity (a.k.a. hell) and without the intervention of Jesus’ mercy, that’s where you would be in this moment. If you believe these things, then live in them (and stop asking God to give you what you deserve!). It will change you. It will change your marriage. It will change everything. Read more in the recent article I wrote for Covenant Eyes’ blog: How to Love Your Spouse When They Don’t Love You Back.