Archives For Singleness

Trending on Facebook this week is the #GiveElsaAGirlfriend hashtag, a campaign lobbying to give Disney’s Frozen star a female love interest in the upcoming sequel.  Idina Menzel, the actress who plays Elsa’s voice, made headlines when asked in an Entertainment Weekly interview about the campaign,

“I think it’s great,” she told ET on Sunday of the online campaign. “Disney’s just gotta contend with that. I’ll let them figure that out.”

While the quote was taken a little out of context (click to view the actual video below, you’ll be directed to Entertainment Tonight’s website), it was an answer expected of any Hollywood star with a live camera shoved in front of their face, and it certainly gave #GiveElsaAGirlfriend all the fuel needed to push their campaign more and more into the public spotlight.

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I have 2-year-old and 4-year-old daughters, both who love the Frozen movie (and yes, I have every word of every song memorized).  Almost every young girl in America loves the Frozen movie, and almost every girl’s favorite character is Elsa.

Here’s what I find so interesting about Elsa and the new #GiveElsaAGirlfriend campaign.  Elsa is single; she has no love interest in Frozen, yet she is still beloved by little girls everywhere.  A lack of a love interest didn’t slow Elsa down, nor did it slow down Frozen‘s huge box office rake.  The campaign to give Elsa a love interest at all speaks so loudly most don’t hear it because we’re already deaf.

What is so wrong with being single?

Or celibate? 

If someone isn’t interested in the opposite sex, why must it be campaigned by their friends and their society that they must find a same sex love interest in order to be whole and happy? Continue Reading…

I conducted a survey of 504 Christian singles to find out what their experience in church as a single has been.  I wrote several articles based on pieces of the data, but haven’t published the complete data until now.  Below are links to the articles from the data, followed by all of the data (including comments) from the 504 respondents.  There are a lot of comments, but they are on point.

The Best Ministry to Singles Has Nothing to do with Your Singles Ministry

Research shows 77% of Christian Singles are Waiting to Have Sex Until Marriage

Research shows 45% of Christian singles feel outcast within the Church, 3% are LGBTQ

Research Statistics: 504 Christian Singles on Singleness in the Church

And a related article inspired by the survey results:

Stop Shaming Single Christians: The strand of three chords in Ecclesiastes has nothing to do with marriage

Click the .pdf graphic below to download all of the singles survey data.  This includes 21 questions, the first 18 of which are in bar graph format and the final 3 are in short answer format.  Feel free to use and republish the data in any format beneficial to you; please cite Noah Filipiak, atacrossroads.net/singles when you use the data.

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What does the Bible say about singleness / being single?

Stop Shaming Single Christians: The strand of three chords in Ecclesiastes has nothing to do with marriage

I recently attended a wedding where the pastor used Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 as his text to describe marriage. “Two are better than one…If either of them falls down, one can help the other up…But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”  This text is not about marriage.  The laying down together is not sexual, it is simply practical in an era where there was no indoor heating.  You would lay down together so you didn’t freeze!  And the third strand of the cord is not referring to God; it’s referring to a third human (The entire context of the list in these four verses is humans helping humans…God isn’t going to lay down with you in bed and keep you warm…).  When we read these things about marriage into the text (as the pastor did), it not only belittles singles (“oh pity them!”), it also gives an unbiblical emphasis on marriage, which shames singles like they are second class Christians or are Christians God is holding out on.

If you want to use the “cord of three strands” imagery in your marriage ceremony to depict you, your spouse and God, that’s fine.  But don’t preach a sermon saying that the meaning of Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 is for married people in a way that directly rejects it applying to single people.  The meaning of the text has to do with friendship and community, things that singles are uniquely positioned (much better than married people) to excel in.  Fan the flame of this great teaching into the lives of Christian singles, don’t douse it by reading marriage into the text, glorying marriage to a pedestal the Bible never puts it on.

Is marriage good? Continue Reading…

There are tons of singles’ ministry resources out there for churches.  Many large churches have a full-time pastor or director in charge of their singles ministry (sometimes called “College and Career” or another pseudonym).  Effectively shepherding singles is a difficult tension.  Singles often ask, “What do you have for me?” but the programmatic efforts to respond to that question, while looking good on paper, often don’t translate to fruitful ministry to singles.  In fact, those efforts can often make things worse.

In a survey of 504 Christian singles, 62% of respondents said they would prefer to be included with married couples in church ministry programs such as small group and events, the types of things singles normally get separated out from.  Continue Reading…

Not everybody’s doing it.

In fact, out of 504 Christian singles surveyed, 3 out of 4 aren’t doing it.

In a culture that worships sex like it’s the Holy Grail, the Fountain of Youth and everlasting LSD all wrapped into one, it’s good for a Christian single person to know they aren’t going against the flow as much as media would like to make them feel when they set out to follow the Bible’s design for sex, reserving it for marriage.

Rather than being in the minority amongst Christian singles, those surveyed who have committed to saving sex for marriage are in the vast majority, with 77% (387 out of 504) saying so.

Of the remaining 23%, 19% of Christian singles say they believe that sex before marriage is a sin but are currently sexually active and/or don’t plan on waiting until marriage to have sex.  The remaining 4% do not believe it’s a sin.

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These are reassuring stats for those who love the Church and love the Bible.  In today’s culture, it can often feel like everyone is throwing away what the Bible says in preference for whatever feels good or is seen as cool, popular or progressive.  We expect the world to act this way, but the real discouragement comes when it seems the foundation of the Church is following this trend, rather than staying true to God’s Word and will.

While the 23% of Christian singles who are having sex outside of marriage shows we still have work to do within the Church, the 77% who are holding strong to Scripture in one of the most difficult areas of life show that the biblical fire empowering the core of the Church of Jesus is still burning brightly, contrary to what it may feel like from the media headlines.

It’s good to see yet another example that the death of the Church has been greatly exaggerated.  Stay faithful to Jesus, Christian singles, your testimony is a shining light to many.

 

Read Post #1, “Demographics and Controls for Christian Singles Survey”

Read Post #2, “Research shows 45% of Christian singles feel outcast within the Church, 3% are LGBTQ”