Archives For Sex and Pornography

There is a trend in our culture where if you are attracted to the same sex, attracted to both sexes, or identify as a different gender than your birth gender, the cultural tide tells you to go with how you feel, be yourself, and live into these feelings and attractions.

It can feel like there are only two paths: the cultural path of living by your feelings / orientation or the biblical path of living according to what the Bible says.  This dichotomy that’s been set up by the Church and by culture doesn’t give the whole picture though; it’s like we’re playing a game of chess with only a quarter of the board.

A primary breakdown in this dichotomy is that “the biblical path” is often seen by both culture and the Church as meaning “the straight path,” as in, if you’re straight, you’ve met the Bible’s standard.  Heterosexual sin within the Church is no big deal, while homosexual sin gets all of the attention.  This dichotomy also assumes that the solution for someone who is gay is for them to become straight, something that is usually not possible.

Is heterosexual sin spoken against in the Bible?  Yes.  Clearly and directly and repeatedly.  From lust, to adultery, to divorce, heterosexual sin is called out as direct rebellion against a holy God.

Why is Jesus so harsh against lust and divorce? (Matthew 5:27-32)  It’s because God created sex to be between a man and a woman in the context of marriage alone.  Does that line feel familiar to you?  It might remind you of debates that go on between culture and the Church (or between the Church and the Church) about homosexuality.  And it begins to reveal a few more of the missing squares on the chess board…

Those who are gay, lesbian and transgender get all of the spotlight when it comes to conforming to the Bible’s design for sex—not that they are asking for it, but as a heterosexual with tons of sexual disorientation issues, I have to say I’m a little jealous. Continue Reading…

If you’re in a dry season of your marriage, you’ve more than likely thought about any number of the following:

married the wrong person Continue Reading…

An article in the USA Today section of the Lansing State Journal caught my eye recently, “Sex before first date OK, but a cracked phone? Think again.”  The article breaks down some of the 2017 Singles in America survey, an annual survey funded by the dating service Match.  The most jaw-dropping takeaway from the survey is that 34% of singles have had sex before a first date.  This was followed up by a quote from Match’s chief scientific adviser Helen Fisher:

Sex before the first date could be a ‘sex interview,’ where they want to know if they want to spend time with this person.

And from Kimberly Resnick Anderson, a licensed clinical social worker and sex therapist:

We used to think of sex as you crossed the line now you are in an intimate zone, but now sex is almost a given and it’s not the intimate part.  The intimate part is getting to know someone and going on a date.

Let that sink in for a second.

It used to be that people were taught to save sex until marriage, now they aren’t even saving it until the first date! Continue Reading…

It’s February, which means Valentine’s Day is coming.  The season of love.  You can tell a lot about a culture by the way it celebrates holidays and in this case, you can tell a lot about what a culture thinks love is.

If you asked a person on the street what love is, you would hopefully get an answer that refers to caring for another and being committed to another in a selfless way.  Meanwhile, everyone can admit that our culture is plagued with sexual travesties:  rape and child abuse at the top of the list, with more subtle stops along the way.  The subtle stops will be debated, especially in our post-truth culture where the prevailing value is each person gets to choose their own values.  This means even if a person’s sexual patterns are destructive, it is a worse crime to tell them they are wrong than it is for them to continue doing whatever they want, whenever they want, with whoever they want.

Most people will still admit they don’t like feeling objectified.  What I mean is, most women will tell you they don’t like it when men gaze at their breasts instead of making eye contact.  Most parents will tell you they don’t want boys ogling their teenage daughters like they are pieces of meat, and making advances to act on these desires of consumption.  Outside of the sexual realm, objectification still applies.  No one wants to be treated like property, disrespected as subhuman by their bosses or customers, or treated like they don’t have innate value and dignity. Continue Reading…

The Ask Amy column is originally written for The Denver Post and syndicated to other newspapers, including mine.  The December 16th column caught my attention:

Ask Amy: Teen in relationship with older man worries about sex in college

The columns are written by Amy Dickinson and great priority is given to allowing people to do whatever they want sexually as the answer to confusing relationship questions that are sent in.  I don’t read it very often because the answer is always pretty much the same, “do what you feel like doing and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise…oh, and make sure you use a condom,” which is why December 16th caught my eye.  I wondered how Amy was going to tell a teen to keep having sex with an older man or to tell the older man to keep having sex with the teen, all in the “express your freedom” and “free love” spirit of most of the columns.  This is not a bashing session on Amy Dickinson, as she is only a reflection on the rest of our culture.  A culture that thinks it can live by an “anything goes” rule for sex, without paying a price for it.  Meanwhile this very culture is crumbling to bits on the micro and macro level because of this abiding rule, but we continue snorting the drug even more rapidly than before.  There’s a reason Ask Amy is widely syndicated: people like being told they can do whatever they want sexually, with Amy even giving them a feeling of morality and good conscious to go along with it.

Now, back to the teen and older man… Continue Reading…