My latest article is up on the Covenant Eyes blog, check it out at: When Fantasy Invades Your Marriage.
Archives For fantasy
I’m the dad of 3 girls and am afraid of the world of sexual harassment and abuse my daughters are going to have to navigate.
I’m also the author of Beyond the Battle: a man’s guide to his identity in Christ in an oversexualized world, a book that, among other things, helps men rewire their minds so we don’t become sexual harassers or abusers.
Needless to say, I think (and write) about this subject a lot. I also live in Lansing, MI, where every day there are new headlines in the paper about Michigan State University and USA Gymnastics’ Dr. Larry Nassar’s sexual abuse of hundreds of girls and women athletes over a span of decades. Those could have been my daughters had things been off by a few years.
I put the phrase “an oversexualized world” into the subtitle of my book very intentionally. No one can argue that our world isn’t oversexualized. My question is, why aren’t more people doing something about it? I’m convinced that as a society as a whole, we want the best of both worlds. We want to have our cake and eat it too. We want to do whatever we want sexually: have sex before marriage, have casual sex, have porn in our popular movies and Netflix shows, look at the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, and have a general culture that “if you want to have sex, then have it.” To argue against this puts you in what feels like a small, unpopular minority. But when this mindset toward sex produces its inevitable result: broken hearts and broken spirits, let alone sexual harassment, rape, and sexual abuse, we are all dumbfounded as to where these things came from. Continue Reading…
Teenagers can’t wait until they’re in college.
College students can’t wait until they’re adults.
Adults reminisce about how they wish they were in college or high school again, as those were the good ol’ days.
Working adults can’t wait until they retire.
Retired folks wish they were younger and envy those who are.
Do you see a problem here? Continue Reading…
I want to focus some blog posts on the ways I have reconditioned my mind to leave the world of fantasy that our sex-saturated world creates and to train it to embrace reality instead. This is a long and comprehensive process so each of these posts will hit on one tool in the toolbox. (Read Method 2, “It’s not important” here)
“It’s not real” –
It’s not real is a simple reminder that the “wonderful world” of fantasy has a glass chin. When I begin to feel attraction towards a person, I can remind myself this isn’t real and I need to live in what is.
For those of us that are married, this is a simple reminder that what is real is our spouse, our children (or future children), our jobs, our reputation, our Christian testimony, our house, our pets, our marriage vows, and everything else we share with our spouse. Essentially, what is real is our life.
Even if you are single, this concept can easily be applied to temptations for pornography, lusting, or premarital sex. These are all fantasies that have detrimental effects on our present and future real lives. Continue Reading…