My latest blog article is up at Covenant Eyes, entitled How a Little “Harmless Entertainment” Can Affect Your Husband. Continue Reading…
Archives For fifty shades of grey
An article in the USA Today section of the Lansing State Journal caught my eye recently, “Sex before first date OK, but a cracked phone? Think again.” The article breaks down some of the 2017 Singles in America survey, an annual survey funded by the dating service Match. The most jaw-dropping takeaway from the survey is that 34% of singles have had sex before a first date. This was followed up by a quote from Match’s chief scientific adviser Helen Fisher:
Sex before the first date could be a ‘sex interview,’ where they want to know if they want to spend time with this person.
And from Kimberly Resnick Anderson, a licensed clinical social worker and sex therapist:
We used to think of sex as you crossed the line now you are in an intimate zone, but now sex is almost a given and it’s not the intimate part. The intimate part is getting to know someone and going on a date.
Let that sink in for a second.
It used to be that people were taught to save sex until marriage, now they aren’t even saving it until the first date! Continue Reading…
It’s February, which means Valentine’s Day is coming. The season of love. You can tell a lot about a culture by the way it celebrates holidays and in this case, you can tell a lot about what a culture thinks love is.
If you asked a person on the street what love is, you would hopefully get an answer that refers to caring for another and being committed to another in a selfless way. Meanwhile, everyone can admit that our culture is plagued with sexual travesties: rape and child abuse at the top of the list, with more subtle stops along the way. The subtle stops will be debated, especially in our post-truth culture where the prevailing value is each person gets to choose their own values. This means even if a person’s sexual patterns are destructive, it is a worse crime to tell them they are wrong than it is for them to continue doing whatever they want, whenever they want, with whoever they want.
Most people will still admit they don’t like feeling objectified. What I mean is, most women will tell you they don’t like it when men gaze at their breasts instead of making eye contact. Most parents will tell you they don’t want boys ogling their teenage daughters like they are pieces of meat, and making advances to act on these desires of consumption. Outside of the sexual realm, objectification still applies. No one wants to be treated like property, disrespected as subhuman by their bosses or customers, or treated like they don’t have innate value and dignity. Continue Reading…
Do you remember when the only way to get porn was to purchase a magazine or video from a shady convenient store? You had to face the clerk and give them money, owning up to the shame of what you were purchasing. You might have worn a hat or sunglasses to try to mask your identity or your uneasiness. Most in my generation and the ones who’ve followed me can’t relate to this as we were thrown into the deep end of internet pornography as children, unable to swim and left to fend for ourselves. Porn everywhere. Porn in secret. Porn only a click away. With no one watching you. Raised on porn.
Was there shame? Most definitely. But that shame was buried deep inside. For survival purposes, we still put on our good-kid public front while privately slipping deeper and deeper into porn’s addictive tentacles.
To see what our society has become in the public eye though is what makes it scarier than ever.
Several years ago, I was sitting in the living room of a family in an impoverished neighborhood in Lansing. This family’s children went to our inner city park program and a group from our church was going to be painting the inside of their house for them. I walked in and sat on the couch to discuss the paint job with the grandmother. I soon realized there was a porno movie on the television. I tried to sit in a way where I couldn’t view the screen but the awkwardness I felt was palpable. The grandmother was clueless; I honestly think she had no idea what was even on the TV set and certainly had no clue of its ramifications for the children she was legal guardian over. Meanwhile as we awkwardly talked, her 8 year old grandson walked in the room. I knew him well from our park program. He plopped on the couch and watched the movie being played for all to see. It was obvious this was a normal occurrence for him.
What kind of effect will this sort of graphic, violent sexual exposure have on an 8-year-old boy as he grows up into a teenager and a man?
It’s both sad and scary. Continue Reading…