Archives For God’s design for sex

Going through adolescence as a boy has never been easy, but in today’s day and age it’s more hazardous than ever.  And for parents, the nightmare is real.  No parent wants their son to be a future perpetrator on a #MeToo headline.  No parent wants their son to abuse women, or to objectify women, or to be in and out of relationships and marriages their whole life.

93.2% of boys and 62.1% of girls have seen online pornography before age 18.
(  You can read Covenant Eyes’s full statistics pack about porn here.  Here’s what I know anecdotally:

  • The male sex drive is very strong.
  • Kids are being given smartphones and tablets like they are candy.  With full access to any porn they want, or that they accidentally stumble on.
  • When I was in middle school and high school, it was normal for guys to talk about porn in open conversations, even with girls around.
  • People started having in sex in 7th and 8th grade.  It became commonplace by high school.
  • I estimate that many of the attractive, popular guys from my high school have probably had sex with 50+ women by the time they turn 30 (and that’s probably low for some), when they finally marry and “settle down”.  These aren’t “creepy” guys.  These are the guys women see as attractive, fun, desirable, and successful.
  • Movies and shows jam-packed with sex and nudity like Game of Thrones are the most popular entertainment options in our culture.  Expect this trend to continue to the point where there is no more envelope left to be pushed and no more line between what culture calls “porn” and public entertainment.

What feels so defeating Continue Reading…

Kim Davis is just the beginning folks.

There will be more Kim Davis’s, more protests, more anger, more butting of heads and shouting over top of one another.

Whatever side you’re on, I think all agree the Kim Davis situation is a debacle.  A debacle for different reasons depending on your side, but a debacle nonetheless.

yelling at kim davisI’m not writing this to pick sides or to rally or to protest.  I’ve written a lot about gay marriage in the past, which I encourage you to read up on.  What I want to show here is how there is a solution, and it’s a relatively simple one, to the moral, political, spiritual and ethical divide that the gay marriage debate has created in our country.  A debate that has gotten a lot of people really mad, on both sides of the fence.  A debate that has created an even deeper divide between the Church and those we are trying to reach.

  • The institution of marriage was desecrated long before gay marriage became legal.  I’m not saying this makes gay marriage a moot point, but I seldom here this being talked about transparently.  And when it’s not talked about transparently, only part of the picture is given, which isn’t helpful in coming up with solutions.  Premarital sex and divorce stomped all over the Bible’s design for marriage long before gay marriage did.  I don’t just mean that some rogue individuals who were having premarital sex or getting divorced, but that both have become cultural norms within society, with little voice or resistance from the Church.  In fact, so little resistance has been given by the Church that they have become norms in the Church as well.
  • When’s the last time you saw a protest of Christians against divorce?
  • Or against premarital sex?
  • We need to be honest about the reason for all of this.  (Generally speaking…) We have heterosexuals in our church pews who are actively engaged in premarital sexual lifestyles.  We also have those who’ve been divorced sitting in our church pews.  We don’t have homosexuals sitting in our church pews.  The natural result of this is that the Church is able to “make a stand” against homosexual sin, preaching to the choir and only getting affirmation in response, while not making a stand for the sins being committed by those in our own congregations.  If we made this stand, those people might stop giving or they might get upset or they might leave our churches.

Continue Reading…

I worded this title awkwardly on purpose as a way of drawing interest, but it points to a question I think needs to be looked at in the homosexuality conversation within the Church.  The reason is because Christians often assume that every gay person’s circumstances are the same, so should be approached the same.  Whereas in reality, people’s homosexual tendencies seem to come from many different sets of circumstances.  This is also an important question for homosexuals because they need to realize that not everyone’s situation is like theirs.  This is especially important for Christian homosexuals (and those who consider themselves ex-homosexuals) who may be giving advice to other Christian homosexuals (or homosexuals who want to be Christians).  A Christian homosexual may have had an experience of healing, change, (whatever they want to call it), where they are now straight, married, with children, etc. and they then tell other homosexuals they can experience the same thing if they will follow the formula that this person followed.  What we all need to realize is that God seldom works in formulas and no matter what the issue is, people seldom come to the table with identical sets of circumstances.

The thoughts from this post are coming from the second half of a comment given on the Gay Christian sermon post.  In the sermon, Jim talks about his life as a gay Christian, discovering he was gay at the age of 7, trying everything under the sun to be “cured” or changed from this, nothing working, and ending up feeling only shame as a result.  The comment brought up Shellie Warren‘s book Pure Heart where Shellie talks about how before she was into porn she never entertained the thoughts of homosexuality.  It wasn’t until after becoming desensitized to the actions she watched on screen that same-sex attraction began in her.

I will use false names here and change some details, Continue Reading…