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Beyond the Battle: A man’s guide to his identity in Christ in an oversexualized world will be available in Fall 2017, stay tuned for book launch updates by signing up for my author newsletter:

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  Small group video instructions:

  1. Play the video with your men’s small group at the beginning of your group time
  2. Go through the group discussion questions found in Appendix A of Beyond the Battle.  There will be questions about the video and separate questions about the correlating chapters in the book.
  3. The videos divide the book into 6 different small group readings and discussions.  The design is to have a 6-week men’s small group to cover all the material, though you may find it beneficial to have a 12 week small group, committing two meetings to cover each video and question set.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is a trend in our culture where if you are attracted to the same sex, attracted to both sexes, or identify as a different gender than your birth gender, the cultural tide tells you to go with how you feel, be yourself, and live into these feelings and attractions.

It can feel like there are only two paths: the cultural path of living by your feelings / orientation or the biblical path of living according to what the Bible says.  This dichotomy that’s been set up by the Church and by culture doesn’t give the whole picture though; it’s like we’re playing a game of chess with only a quarter of the board.

A primary breakdown in this dichotomy is that “the biblical path” is often seen by both culture and the Church as meaning “the straight path,” as in, if you’re straight, you’ve met the Bible’s standard.  Heterosexual sin within the Church is no big deal, while homosexual sin gets all of the attention.  This dichotomy also assumes that the solution for someone who is gay is for them to become straight, something that is usually not possible.

Is heterosexual sin spoken against in the Bible?  Yes.  Clearly and directly and repeatedly.  From lust, to adultery, to divorce, heterosexual sin is called out as direct rebellion against a holy God.

Why is Jesus so harsh against lust and divorce? (Matthew 5:27-32)  It’s because God created sex to be between a man and a woman in the context of marriage alone.  Does that line feel familiar to you?  It might remind you of debates that go on between culture and the Church (or between the Church and the Church) about homosexuality.  And it begins to reveal a few more of the missing squares on the chess board…

Those who are gay, lesbian and transgender get all of the spotlight when it comes to conforming to the Bible’s design for sex—not that they are asking for it, but as a heterosexual with tons of sexual disorientation issues, I have to say I’m a little jealous. Continue Reading…

An article in the USA Today section of the Lansing State Journal caught my eye recently, “Sex before first date OK, but a cracked phone? Think again.”  The article breaks down some of the 2017 Singles in America survey, an annual survey funded by the dating service Match.  The most jaw-dropping takeaway from the survey is that 34% of singles have had sex before a first date.  This was followed up by a quote from Match’s chief scientific adviser Helen Fisher:

Sex before the first date could be a ‘sex interview,’ where they want to know if they want to spend time with this person.

And from Kimberly Resnick Anderson, a licensed clinical social worker and sex therapist:

We used to think of sex as you crossed the line now you are in an intimate zone, but now sex is almost a given and it’s not the intimate part.  The intimate part is getting to know someone and going on a date.

Let that sink in for a second.

It used to be that people were taught to save sex until marriage, now they aren’t even saving it until the first date! Continue Reading…

It’s February, which means Valentine’s Day is coming.  The season of love.  You can tell a lot about a culture by the way it celebrates holidays and in this case, you can tell a lot about what a culture thinks love is.

If you asked a person on the street what love is, you would hopefully get an answer that refers to caring for another and being committed to another in a selfless way.  Meanwhile, everyone can admit that our culture is plagued with sexual travesties:  rape and child abuse at the top of the list, with more subtle stops along the way.  The subtle stops will be debated, especially in our post-truth culture where the prevailing value is each person gets to choose their own values.  This means even if a person’s sexual patterns are destructive, it is a worse crime to tell them they are wrong than it is for them to continue doing whatever they want, whenever they want, with whoever they want.

Most people will still admit they don’t like feeling objectified.  What I mean is, most women will tell you they don’t like it when men gaze at their breasts instead of making eye contact.  Most parents will tell you they don’t want boys ogling their teenage daughters like they are pieces of meat, and making advances to act on these desires of consumption.  Outside of the sexual realm, objectification still applies.  No one wants to be treated like property, disrespected as subhuman by their bosses or customers, or treated like they don’t have innate value and dignity. Continue Reading…

Our culture’s cloud of sexual living continues to get darker, denser and more and more expansive.  Everything is becoming normal and everyone is starting younger.

Sexual immorality is no respecter of persons.  This has little to do with homosexuality vs. heterosexuality or any of the many cultural wars going on in this arena today.  It’s so easy (and wrong) for Christians to point the finger at homosexuals or gay marriage as corrupting God’s design for sex when divorce, premarital sex and sexually explicit material in entertainment took care of this long ago.  We could care less that our favorite show on Netflix shows sex and nudity and conditions to long for this outside of wedlock, but we’ll get fired up about those gays!  Um, how about we each take a look in the mirror at how we have bought in to culture’s polluted view of sex, a pollution that has infiltrated every square inch of our society and has influenced each and every one of us.  If you’re not divorced, you haven’t had premarital sex, you’ve never lusted, you’ve never looked at pornography or read romance novels, you’ve never watched sexually explicit nude scenes in movies or TV, and you’ve never fantasized about being with someone other than your spouse, then I guess you’re allowed to start pointing fingers. Continue Reading…