Archives For premarital sex

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Christians are to save sex until marriage and are to keep it there.  (Genesis 2:24; 1 Corinthians 6:12-20)

And fantasizing about sex outside of marriage is the same heart condition as engaging in it.  (Matthew 5:27-28)

These sound like some pretty strict “thou shalt not’s!”  It’s very important that we understand why God gave us these commands, as it wasn’t just to ruin our fun.  In a nutshell, sex is potent and volatile.  Our world has duped us into believing it’s only about body parts and impulses, but we all know it involves much more intimacy and vulnerability than that.  Deception is played, hearts are broken and selfishness runs rampant.  Instead of looking at another person as a human being, we’ve been conditioned to see them as objects to be used for our consumption and then discarded.

This is a problem. Continue Reading…

The New York Post had a nude photo of Donald Trump’s wife Melania on its cover this week, with the title “Ogle Office.”  The photo was taken around 20 years ago, when Melania was 25 years old, in the thick of her modeling career and before she met Donald.  It was from a now defunct French men’s magazine, according to CNN.com.

Ivanka Trump, Donald Trump's daughter

Ivanka Trump, Donald Trump’s daughter

Ironically timed, there’s an article in today’s USA Today with Donald and son Eric’s thoughts on how (Donald’s daughter / Eric’s sister) 34-year-old Ivanka Trump would handle being sexually harassed.  Ivanka is a business woman and former model.  This was a response to a previous USA Today article where Donald says he thinks Ivanka should find a new job if she was being harassed in her workplace.  The articles, written by Mary Bowerman and Kirsten Powers respectively, both denounce Donald for insinuating it’s a woman’s fault if she’s sexually harassed.  Powers’ article sums up the feeling well in her last sentence:

All together now: Women don’t cause sexual harassment, harassers do.

Before I get in to my thoughts, let me say that I agree with Powers’ sentiment here.  As a pastor, I would re-frame it to say that a person (in this case the harasser) is responsible and accountable for their own sin.  No excuses.  Period. Continue Reading…

Celebrating 12 years of marriage today with Jennifer ‘Good’ Filipiak, as well as Father’s Day on the same day. A lot to reflect on and be grateful for. A lot of times on Facebook anniversary posts, we tend to make things sound like every second of our married lives is total bliss. This is seldom (ok never) true, but it feels like we are obligated to write such things, like our lives are that of Ken and Barbie, lest we put our spouse in a bad light, or even God in a bad light. “Praising God for his faithfulness of 12 years of utter bliss with my awesome Barbie of a wife.  I’m such a lucky guy!” Like there’s never been a day I was tempted to sin, to run away from it all, to rebel against God and my wife.  That I’m so lucky it’s all come so easy.  I don’t think this put God in a good light at all, but I think being honest does. Here’s the thing, as I look back at our 12 years of marriage, there’s been a lot of ups and downs, but the downs are precisely where God’s faithfulness shines through the brightest. It’s often a fork in the road where I get to decide, “Do I do what feels best in my mind? Or do I do and love the way God wants me to love?” If I’ve made a covenant to choose the latter, what happens is I then get to see the fruit of God’s faithfulness over 12 years. Decisions I didn’t want to make in year 4 bear fruit in year 11. Decisions I didn’t want to make when I was single bear fruit now. I get to see my two daughters and a woman I genuinely love and have learned to appreciate after repenting of so much entitlement and selfishness in my life.  A woman I at one point wanted to run away from so I could worship myself.  I see that God’s way is right. God’s way is the best. It is THE way, though all along the way there are times I want to choose my own way. Writing something flippant about the utter bliss of 12 years of marriage is deceptive and it makes other think that choosing God’s way and my way are the same things. “Oh that lucky dog. God must really love him (more than others). Some guys have all the luck.” No it has nothing to do with luck. I don’t live a Ken and Barbie life. My life is hard. Parenting is hard. Husbanding is hard. Depending on God to fulfill me instead of my marriage to fulfill me is hard.  My sinful self wants to do a whole lot of other things. Am I extremely fortunate, blessed and given grace upon grace that I don’t deserve? Yes. But could I have thrown it all in the gutter and led a life of sinful selfishness instead? Yes, about 1000x over yes. But by the grace of God, here I am. Doing my best to allow God’s Holy Spirit to keep me on his path. I’m not saying if you haven’t been married for 12 years with 2 kids, you did something stupid to throw it in the gutter.  Though I will firmly say if you are looking at porn, having premarital sex, letting your lust run rampant and living for yourself, you are only setting yourself up for failure and heartache both now and in the future.  What I am saying is the cards I was dealt were the cards of marriage; you may have been dealt something else.  I’m far from perfect, but I can honestly look at my marriage now and say I love Jen more than I ever have before, am more content than ever before, and I appreciate her more than I ever have before. And this has nothing to do with some silver bullet to make your marriage better in 4 easy steps.  It has to do with learning that I don’t deserve anything from God (except hell), but he’s given me so much instead.  And learning to take such joy and gratitude in that, rather than to throw a fit to him that he owes me something or that he’s holding out on me.  This is a far cry from the guy who wanted to escape from it all 3 years into our marriage and go live a life of sin. This is God’s faithfulness. His way is true. His way is right. I’m doing my best to continue to show my kids and my wife the same sacrificial love Jesus has shown to me, giving himself up for me on the cross. When you walk in the path of Jesus, you can look back over 12 years and SEE God’s faithfulness. In a marriage, you can see children, you can see memories, you can see inside jokes, you can see all the times you were there for each other through surgeries, miscarriages, C-sections, and just plain old bad days at work. You can see that obeying God instead of obeying sin was worth it.  It’s always worth it. You can see how God changed your own heart from one of selfishness to one of love.
With all my heart, I love you Jen, and I always will!

Not everybody’s doing it.

In fact, out of 504 Christian singles surveyed, 3 out of 4 aren’t doing it.

In a culture that worships sex like it’s the Holy Grail, the Fountain of Youth and everlasting LSD all wrapped into one, it’s good for a Christian single person to know they aren’t going against the flow as much as media would like to make them feel when they set out to follow the Bible’s design for sex, reserving it for marriage.

Rather than being in the minority amongst Christian singles, those surveyed who have committed to saving sex for marriage are in the vast majority, with 77% (387 out of 504) saying so.

Of the remaining 23%, 19% of Christian singles say they believe that sex before marriage is a sin but are currently sexually active and/or don’t plan on waiting until marriage to have sex.  The remaining 4% do not believe it’s a sin.

virginity

These are reassuring stats for those who love the Church and love the Bible.  In today’s culture, it can often feel like everyone is throwing away what the Bible says in preference for whatever feels good or is seen as cool, popular or progressive.  We expect the world to act this way, but the real discouragement comes when it seems the foundation of the Church is following this trend, rather than staying true to God’s Word and will.

While the 23% of Christian singles who are having sex outside of marriage shows we still have work to do within the Church, the 77% who are holding strong to Scripture in one of the most difficult areas of life show that the biblical fire empowering the core of the Church of Jesus is still burning brightly, contrary to what it may feel like from the media headlines.

It’s good to see yet another example that the death of the Church has been greatly exaggerated.  Stay faithful to Jesus, Christian singles, your testimony is a shining light to many.

 

Read Post #1, “Demographics and Controls for Christian Singles Survey”

Read Post #2, “Research shows 45% of Christian singles feel outcast within the Church, 3% are LGBTQ”