Archives For sex

Game of Thrones is arguably the most popular and successful show on television.  A big reason for its popularity is the gratuitous nudity it’s become famous for.  People will rush to defend these displays for the sake of art, yet the producers know that sex, not art, is what sells.  Listen to a Game of Thrones director, Neil Marshall, quoting an unnamed show producer on the Empire.com Podcast:

This particular exec, like, took me to one side and said, “Look, I represent the pervert side of the audience. Ok?  Everybody else is the serious drama side. I represent the perv side of the audience, and I want full frontal nudity in this scene. So you go ahead and do it.”

This was followed by chuckles and laughs shared between Marshall and the podcast host, both men.

Our culture is a cesspool of objectification of the female body.  Women aren’t seen as human beings, but as objects to be consumed by men.  You see the end result of this in the millions of broken hearts, despairing headlines, and addicts trying to find their next and bigger fix.  Yet we let the cycle continue by gorging on the gratuitous objectified bodies of Game of Thrones and many other porn outlets, acting like we can have the best of both worlds: enjoying the instant gratification of sex way outside of how God designed it, without it having any effect on our life, relationships, and the fabric of society as a whole.

Read more from Noah Filipiak on Game of Thrones at the Covenant Eyes blog:  If you’re watching Game of Thrones, you’re watching porn.

This is the landing page for my upcoming book Beyond the Battle: A man’s guide to his identity in Christ in an oversexualized world.  The book will be available in the Fall 2017, date TBD.  Books will sell on Amazon for $14.99 each or you can purchase in bulk from this page you are currently on (atacrossroads.net/beyond-the-battle).  The bulk prices will be 10 books for $100 or 30 books for $225 (shipping price will be added, or you can pick up from Lansing, MI).  The book will have its greatest impact when men read it along with other men.

Check out the free 6-week men’s small group video curriculum here. 

I’ll post updates on details here as they unfold.  You can also subscribe to my Author Newsletter to get details emailed to your inbox along with ways you can help with the book launch and forthcoming details on Beyond the Battle‘s parallel book for women, More than a Princess. 

I’d also love to come and speak at your church or special event (no fee), please contact me to make those arrangements.

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Back cover text:

What if the battle you’re fighting has already been won?

 

As men fight for contentment in their marriages or their singleness, our oversexualized world continues to pump out false promises.  What if the answer to your heart’s longing is not to try harder or fight more intensely?  What if there’s actually more to the battle than accountability, online filters, and training away the symptoms of the problem (as important as those tools are)?

 

The good news is that there really is more to this battle, and victory depends not on your ability to fight, but on your ability to rest.  It’s not about working hard to avoid lust, it’s about God working in you to remove (and replace) your desire for it.

 

Beyond the Battle dives below the surface to uncover soul-deep solutions.  You will discover that everything you hoped the next woman would give you is already freely yours in Jesus.  This identity in Christ will satisfy you to the core, allowing you to see yourself and women the way God intended all along.

 

An article in the USA Today section of the Lansing State Journal caught my eye recently, “Sex before first date OK, but a cracked phone? Think again.”  The article breaks down some of the 2017 Singles in America survey, an annual survey funded by the dating service Match.  The most jaw-dropping takeaway from the survey is that 34% of singles have had sex before a first date.  This was followed up by a quote from Match’s chief scientific adviser Helen Fisher:

Sex before the first date could be a ‘sex interview,’ where they want to know if they want to spend time with this person.

And from Kimberly Resnick Anderson, a licensed clinical social worker and sex therapist:

We used to think of sex as you crossed the line now you are in an intimate zone, but now sex is almost a given and it’s not the intimate part.  The intimate part is getting to know someone and going on a date.

Let that sink in for a second.

It used to be that people were taught to save sex until marriage, now they aren’t even saving it until the first date! Continue Reading…

It’s February, which means Valentine’s Day is coming.  The season of love.  You can tell a lot about a culture by the way it celebrates holidays and in this case, you can tell a lot about what a culture thinks love is.

If you asked a person on the street what love is, you would hopefully get an answer that refers to caring for another and being committed to another in a selfless way.  Meanwhile, everyone can admit that our culture is plagued with sexual travesties:  rape and child abuse at the top of the list, with more subtle stops along the way.  The subtle stops will be debated, especially in our post-truth culture where the prevailing value is each person gets to choose their own values.  This means even if a person’s sexual patterns are destructive, it is a worse crime to tell them they are wrong than it is for them to continue doing whatever they want, whenever they want, with whoever they want.

Most people will still admit they don’t like feeling objectified.  What I mean is, most women will tell you they don’t like it when men gaze at their breasts instead of making eye contact.  Most parents will tell you they don’t want boys ogling their teenage daughters like they are pieces of meat, and making advances to act on these desires of consumption.  Outside of the sexual realm, objectification still applies.  No one wants to be treated like property, disrespected as subhuman by their bosses or customers, or treated like they don’t have innate value and dignity. Continue Reading…

The Ask Amy column is originally written for The Denver Post and syndicated to other newspapers, including mine.  The December 16th column caught my attention:

Ask Amy: Teen in relationship with older man worries about sex in college

The columns are written by Amy Dickinson and great priority is given to allowing people to do whatever they want sexually as the answer to confusing relationship questions that are sent in.  I don’t read it very often because the answer is always pretty much the same, “do what you feel like doing and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise…oh, and make sure you use a condom,” which is why December 16th caught my eye.  I wondered how Amy was going to tell a teen to keep having sex with an older man or to tell the older man to keep having sex with the teen, all in the “express your freedom” and “free love” spirit of most of the columns.  This is not a bashing session on Amy Dickinson, as she is only a reflection on the rest of our culture.  A culture that thinks it can live by an “anything goes” rule for sex, without paying a price for it.  Meanwhile this very culture is crumbling to bits on the micro and macro level because of this abiding rule, but we continue snorting the drug even more rapidly than before.  There’s a reason Ask Amy is widely syndicated: people like being told they can do whatever they want sexually, with Amy even giving them a feeling of morality and good conscious to go along with it.

Now, back to the teen and older man… Continue Reading…