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There is a trend in our culture where if you are attracted to the same sex, attracted to both sexes, or identify as a different gender than your birth gender, the cultural tide tells you to go with how you feel, be yourself, and live into these feelings and attractions.

It can feel like there are only two paths: the cultural path of living by your feelings / orientation or the biblical path of living according to what the Bible says.  This dichotomy that’s been set up by the Church and by culture doesn’t give the whole picture though; it’s like we’re playing a game of chess with only a quarter of the board.

A primary breakdown in this dichotomy is that “the biblical path” is often seen by both culture and the Church as meaning “the straight path,” as in, if you’re straight, you’ve met the Bible’s standard.  Heterosexual sin within the Church is no big deal, while homosexual sin gets all of the attention.  This dichotomy also assumes that the solution for someone who is gay is for them to become straight, something that is usually not possible.

Is heterosexual sin spoken against in the Bible?  Yes.  Clearly and directly and repeatedly.  From lust, to adultery, to divorce, heterosexual sin is called out as direct rebellion against a holy God.

Why is Jesus so harsh against lust and divorce? (Matthew 5:27-32)  It’s because God created sex to be between a man and a woman in the context of marriage alone.  Does that line feel familiar to you?  It might remind you of debates that go on between culture and the Church (or between the Church and the Church) about homosexuality.  And it begins to reveal a few more of the missing squares on the chess board…

Those who are gay, lesbian and transgender get all of the spotlight when it comes to conforming to the Bible’s design for sex—not that they are asking for it, but as a heterosexual with tons of sexual disorientation issues, I have to say I’m a little jealous. Continue Reading…

3.37% of the Christian singles in your church are gay.*  At least a recent research survey of 504 Christian singles indicates this (Click here for research demographics and controls).

*3.37% checked the box indicating their sexual orientation as “LGBTQ (also check if you best relate with the term “same sex attraction”)”

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If same sex attraction is not a sin, which it isn’t, and we are preaching to these Christians that they are to be single and celibate the rest of their lives, what are we doing with them from there?  Are they left to figure out how to do this on their own?  Are they to be lonely forever?  Are they outcast?  Are they look at as “lesser” because they aren’t married with children?  These are the questions this survey explores.

A church that teaches gay Christians to be single and celibate but who doesn’t uphold and value singleness in robust ways is like the person in James 2:15-16 who sees a brother or sister without clothes and daily food and says, “Go in peace, keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs.  James follows this illustration up with the piercing question: what good is it?

And of course there are plenty of heterosexual singles in our churches as well, 96.63% to be precise.  Among the 504 Christian singles surveyed, 410 (81.35%) of them do not have a boyfriend or girlfriend, the truest definition of singleness.

45.83% of Christian singles feel devalued, like an outcast, or in a lesser life stage at church because they are single: Continue Reading…

I recently preached on a confusing passage of Scripture that most of us skip over in our devotional time: 1 Corinthians 11:1-16 on women wearing head coverings and men not having long hair.  It was not a sermon I thought I’d be writing a follow-up blog to, nor was it a passage I would have decided to preach on had we not been doing a series through the book of 1 Corinthians.  While it made for a very challenging text to preach on, I was quite surprised by how practical and helpful it was in giving relevant guidance to both men and women in regard to sex, singleness and marriage. Continue Reading…

Much of what fuels a single person to long for marriage is the lack of feeling of wholeness they have, and the idea that marriage will bring them that wholeness. In this sense, marriage becomes an idol, and we know idols never fulfill their promises. Many married people have bought into this trap as well, and are thus dissatisfied with a marriage that isn’t providing for them what they are looking for. Though in reality, only God can provide what they are looking for.  Philippians 4:4-13 is a reminder that all the wholeness we need can be found in Jesus who brings us joy, peace, provision and strength. Once we are filled up in him, we won’t be desperately looking for these things in faulty places, as we will already have them.

Philippians 4:4-13

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

One of Satan’s biggest temptations for married people is to want to be single.  I’ve found that one of his biggest temptations for single people is to want to be married.  This was the case for me when I was single and is the case for most of my single friends.  Yet in spite of this, many married people have moments (some more frequently than others) where they wish they were single again.  I blog a lot about the temptations I face as a married person and what married people need to focus on to be content.  Today I decided to write a post for single people.

These 8 things honestly have nothing to do with sex.  They all fall within God’s design for sex, marriage, and singleness.  Don’t forget after all that Jesus and Paul were both single, and it’s something that Paul says, “It is good for a man not to marry…I wish that all men were as I am (single).” (1 Cor. 7:1, 7)  God didn’t intend singleness to be miserable.  There are jewels to being a Christian single that we often overlook because we are so busy wishing we were married, we miss what is right under our nose.

8 Hidden Benefits to Reflect On In Order To Be More Content In Your Singleness: Continue Reading…